I've neglected this blog and writing in general for a long time. There are always the usual excuses; feeling too tired after a long day of bullshit at work, not knowing what to write, etc. But there's also the fact that even though it's been almost a year and a half since moving out, the trauma that came from living with a hoarder is still something that affects me deeply. Nothing ever feels clean enough, no matter how much I've tried.
A lot of things have taken place in the past year, some of which I'd like to forget. Last summer was particularly hard to get through. My roommate at the time had decided to not only force me to move out in order for her friend to move in, but to lie about the reason why. She claimed her mother had been abused by her stepfather and needed a place to stay, which was unnecessary in my opinion, but in the two weeks that it took to find a new apartment she also turned into the most inconsiderate, disgusting and self-serving person I've ever met in my life.
Anxiety and depression were at an all time high at this point, and there were several times throughout last July and August that saw a dip in my performance at work. The anxiety made me feel too sick to eat, and I ended up losing a lot of weight. While searching desperately for a new place to live, my former roommate and I were fighting over my part of the security deposit, which she wanted to keep regardless of having no valid reason to do so.
One of my friends had mentioned he was interested in looking for a new apartment as well, so we decided to start searching for a two-bedroom to share instead. I figured it would be easier now that both of us were looking at listings, calling realtors and viewing apartments. Unfortunately after an entire week we had come up with only one vaguely promising listing, which ended up falling through shortly after. We resorted to walking in to every real estate office in the neighborhood in person, only to be told nothing was available. I was ready to give up. It felt like I was on the verge of a nervous breakdown.
Luckily, my friend and I managed to find an amazing place only a week before I had to move. Since then things have been better, though I still find myself struggling; depression and anxiety are still a major part of my life, and the process of finding out how to deal with it hasn't been an easy one.
