It's been approximately three weeks since I moved into my apartment. Over that course of time, I've felt anxious, scared, excited, isolated, and depressed. But most important of all, I feel free. Depression and anxiety are still a really big part of my life however, and I feel a bit naive for thinking a new environment was going to make most things easier to handle. The panic attacks have returned with a frequency that is very concerning, and have begun to occur even while I'm at work.
Regardless of that, I don't feel the same kind of panic that arises when someone wants to visit. I can invite friends over for the first time in several years, and my roommate isn't someone that thinks of me only as an extension of herself. The anxiety I've been experiencing is of a different nature than what I had dealt with back home, and now seems to be rooted more firmly in my own issues with confidence and self worth rather than an immediate outside source, i.e. my mother's hoard or the deteriorating condition of the house.
Although I've seen a definite improvement overall, it seems there's still a lot of work to be done.
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